Key Mindsets For Managing Defeat And Failure
None of us likes to experience defeat and failure. We all prefer the exhilaration and triumphant feelings that arise when we attempt something and are successful. And we all loathe that sinking feeling in the pit of our stomach when we have failed.
There are three aspects that surround defeat and failure:
1. Knowing when to admit defeat and move on and/or redirect.
2. Self-judgment — emotionally holding onto the failed attempt and berating oneself for the defeat, thereby not emotionally moving on.
3. Handling outsider views, comments and/or judgments around the failure.
These three issues are crucial elements that can hold a person hostage, keeping the defeat alive long past its due. Ask yourself, “Do you give in to defeat, i.e., do you wallow in the sinking feelings rather than looking for the next steps to move on to the next challenge? Does failing generate new problems for you that can be magnified from the negative emotions associated with defeat?" The emotions that arise during a failure and can hold you captive to defeat: embarrassment, frustration, anger, regret, nausea, fear of failure and judgment or feeling like you are inadequate.
Any one of these strong emotions makes it difficult not to take the failure personally. If you are too attached to the plan or strategy you devised, this will fuel the flames to internalize the failure. When we personalize the defeat, we magnify the feelings around failing.
Instead of saying to yourself, “I failed,” replace it with, “My attempt at such-and-such did not succeed and I’ll find a different approach.” In doing this, you remove yourself from being the failure and can begin redirecting your efforts. Being attached to your plan or strategy puts you in a fixed mindset, rather than a growth mindset.
The next step to take, if the emotions are still strong, is to identify which feeling is most prominent for you during your internal struggle. Recognizing the key emotions is instrumental to moving past them. Otherwise, you give into their power, disabling you from moving on.
Dealing with the past failure effectively can be an opportunity for growth so that your self-esteem and self-confidence remain high. By staying positive and optimistic, you can discover the silver lining in your loss of success. Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, suggests ways to “deal with the stuff of life” by amplifying your unique strengths. Your unique strengths set you apart and help you to get back on track to move on and forward.
Rather than adopting an idea that failure is a defeat, embrace the mindset that it is a stepping stone on the path toward your success. How many stories amplify this notion? Thomas Edison, Walt Disney and Oprah Winfrey, to name a few famous examples. As the famous quote attributed to Edison goes, “I have found 10,000 ways something won’t work. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.”
Key Mindset Strategies
Implementing a new mindset allows you to manage defeat and failure.
• Flexible mindset: This allows you to adapt to your situation and keep the creative juices flowing.
• Positive mindset: Accept what is, accept the lesson and know there is a better outcome or solution.
• Curious mindset: Being curious about the situation facilitates the flexible and positive mindsets. Being curious can be playful, which facilitates creativity and perspective. Curiosity can take to you a never before thought of and better outcome.
The three words that open Edison's famous quote, “I have found,” are positive ones that show flexibility and embrace curiosity. Knowing when to admit defeat is a challenge. It takes balancing behaviors that support each other and are joined by the common theme of growth. These behaviors are rooted in knowing your strengths, what your limits are and not allowing negative emotions to cloud your judgment.
Do you try 10,000 times like Thomas Edison? Only you can know when to remedy the situation by refocusing your efforts and make strategic alterations. All 10,000 attempts are about redirecting, refocusing and reviewing and altering your strategies while maintaining the mindsets for success.