Relationship Management & Emotional Intelligence
In the context of emotional intelligence, relationship management refers to a set of skills that are involved in developing relationships with other people. Here are a few relationship management and emotional intelligence tactics to consider:
Tactic #1: Be open and take an interest. Explain your background and share some personal information. When you willingly share things about yourself, it minimizes opportunities for others to misinterpret your behaviors.
Tactic #2: Be accessible. People need to feel comfortable approaching you. To do this, adopt an “open-door” policy. This allows colleagues to come in and have unscheduled conversations in which they can address issues, discuss projects, or seek guidance.
Tactic #3: Embrace feedback. Having someone point out errors or areas of improvement can lead to intense emotional responses. You may feel put on the spot or called out. However, feedback is essential to development and requires that you hear it without letting your emotions get in the way. To enhance your ability to take feedback:
Think about the purpose. The person bringing you feedback is probably not coming from a place of malice. They’re likely trying to help you by expressing their observations and suggestions.
Listen. You may feel the urge to get defensive. Take a step back and really hear what the person has to say. Ask questions for clarification.
Show gratitude. Giving feedback is just as challenging as getting it. It requires thoughtfulness and attentiveness. Appreciate the time that the person took to speak with you, even if you don’t agree with the feedback.
Take your time. Often, trying to make changes immediately doesn’t give you time to absorb and understand the feedback you were given. Sort out your emotions and thoughts, then move forward.
Value the feedback. Though you may not agree with the suggestions, take all feedback seriously. Try to implement what you can. You may find that something you didn’t think would work actually makes your life easier.
Tactic #4: Develop trust. Trust is difficult to develop but easy to lose. Practice patience and consistently do what you say you’re going to do to create bonds with the people around you. To begin building trust:
Promote open communication. Share something about yourself and encourage others to do the same. You don’t need to lay your entire life out for all to see, but showing a little vulnerability helps people feel comfortable trusting you with their personal information.
Be reliable. If you consistently deliver, people will begin to trust that you’ll do what you say you’re going to do.
Use your self-awareness. Identify relationships that lack trust and figure out what’s missing. If you can figure out why the trust isn’t there, you can start to take actions to fix it.
Use your social awareness. Ask people what you can do to earn their trust. This shows that you genuinely want to bolster the relationship, which automatically begins to build trust.
Tactic #5: Improve your communication style. Your natural style of communication dictates how others perceive you. If the way you talk doesn’t reflect your intentions, others may not understand what you’re trying to communicate and may develop negative feelings towards you. To better understand the way you communicate and the ways you can improve:
Identify your current style. Describe it yourself, then ask friends, family, and/or colleagues to describe it. This keeps you accountable and removes a biased personal opinion from the equation.
List the upsides and downsides of the way you communicate. For example, if you tend to take charge of conversations, an upside may be that you keep things on task, but a downside may be that you shut down other people.
From your list of downsides, focus on two or three and figure out how you can adjust for them. You can try to eliminate them, but, if you can’t, find ways you can reduce their impact.
Tactic #6: Avoid mixed messages. They confuse and frustrate people. When you’re communicating, make sure the way you speak and your body language match what you’re trying to say. If you’re telling an employee that you’re excited to have them on a project, but do so with slouched shoulders and a disinterested tone, they probably won’t trust that you’re actually excited.
Everyone has emotions rise to the surface—even people with excellent emotional intelligence. Relationship management is not about withholding or suppressing those emotions; it is about expressing them skillfully constructively.
When you are overwhelmed by negative emotions, try to put them aside until you have the opportunity to express them fully and in an environment that they won’t have a negative impact. You will need to work through your emotions eventually, but, if you let your emotions disrupt the message you’re trying to send, it will give off mixed messages. If you cannot put your emotions aside, be honest. Explain what’s happening and what you’re feeling.