Parental Burnout and Stress
Raising children can be immensely joyful, but parents must be prepared for feelings of exhaustion or burnout, especially after the birth of a child, and for stress and anxiety as children grow up and resist their guidance or take greater risks. And some couples will face the unthinkable loss of a child, and the struggles to recover.
Dealing with Burnout
Burnout is not only caused by working too hard at one’s job. Parenting and other forms of caregiving frequently lead to exhaustion, stress, and overwhelm that, left unchecked, can bring on the emotional, mental, and physical symptoms of burnout, including feelings of cynicism, lethargy, and, often, depression. Parents, like others who experience burnout, may hide their symptoms, fearing the stigma of being seen as not good enough or strong enough, but without attention and treatment, a mother’s or father’s burnout can have detrimental effects on an entire family.
How common is parental burnout?
In some surveys, as many as 60 percent of parents have reported experiencing feelings if burnout at some time. But many parents resist admitting that they are burned out, and so they do not receive help. People often believe they are expected to be superhuman when it comes to caring for their children, and burnout can make parents feel inadequate.
What are some possible signs of parental burnout?
One of the most concerning symptoms of parental burnout, research finds, is feelings of escape ideation—imaging what it would be like to walk away from family responsibilities altogether. Such feelings, left unaddressed, could spiral into neglectful or abusive parenting or even abandonment. Feeling like being on autopilot, or feeling detached from their children, can leave children feeling unloved.
Often, it is the parents most committed to their roles who are at highest risk of burnout. The pressures some mothers and fathers put on themselves in the pursuit of perfectionism can put them at risk of never feeling good enough. Easing up on perfectionism, establishing more consistent routines for their parenting day, committing to self-care, even for short periods of time, and finding support can help parents avoid burnout.
How can parents manage burnout?
When parents experience burnout, research suggests, they can cut back on chores and bring in assistance from family, friends, or paid help; pay less attention to parental expectations for child-development milestones or nutrition or screen-time targets; and to take the time to identify the issues that cause them the most stress and focus on those rather than their entire identity as a parent.